Many women admit to feeling pleasure during masturbation or when exploring their body, either alone or with their partner. However, when it is time for intercourse, that is, during penetration, they declare that they do not feel any pleasure and are unable to reach orgasm . Where is the problem? Is it a physical defect? The answer is a definit no.
Finding pleasure during masturbation or when manipulating the clitoris and not achieving it during penetration, has to do with multiple factors related to the sexual act that can be easily corrected, which will allow for much more pleasant sexual encounters for both, in which the woman learns to enjoy the stimulation of the act. If you wonder why you don’t feel pleasure in having sex , in this FastlyHealarticle we answer it in detail.
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Clitoris, the erogenous zone par excellence
The clitoris is a fundamental point within the female sexual anatomy, as it is the area that gathers the greatest number of nerve endings, therefore, when properly stimulated, it leads to great excitement and subsequent orgasm.
During masturbation the clitoris plays a leading role, however during the sexual act it may be relegated if aspects such as stimulation prior to penetration or sexual games are not taken into account , the positions that generate friction on the clitoris and physical games or verbal that can increase stimulation and lead to climax. This is where the problem of most of the women who wonder why they do not feel pleasure in having sex lies.
Only a very small group will have significant sexual dysfunction, in this case they will not obtain pleasure either through masturbation or through sex, requiring the intervention of a sexologist or therapist to treat the problem. In the following lines we will explain in detail the most common causes for which satisfaction can be compromised during intercourse.
Absence of foreplay or sexual stimulation
Female arousal is a complex process in which sexual games must be used in order to encourage vaginal lubrication, which will make penetrations softer, and stimulation of the clitoris, which will cause it to increase in size. and it becomes very sensitive to touch and touch, giving great pleasure to the woman.
If before penetration the sexual games are not adequate , stimulating or simply if you proceed directly to intercourse by skipping this step, it is very likely that you will not feel pleasure when having intercourse. Foreplay is as important as penetration itself and should never be ignored unless there has been a very intense pre-arousal situation and both of you are ready for sex.
Some games that you and your partner can play before penetration to prepare for sex are:
- Stimulation of the breasts and nipples by touching or kissing in this area.
- Kisses in the neck.
- Have your partner tell you everything he wants to do to you during sex or vice versa.
- Receive oral sex.
- Opt for masturbation, whether your partner explores your erogenous zones or you do it while he is watching you.
- Exciting situations such as getting naked for your partner, exploring their body, or engaging in sex games that are attractive to both of you.
All of this will help prepare the environment for the level of arousal to rise and both of you are adequately prepared for sex.
Not finding the most stimulating sexual position
Finding the right sexual posture is just as important as carrying out foreplay before sex. There are many positions that tremendously excite men, such as the puppy, and yet they are not pleasant for women. Why is this happening? The answer is simple: those positions in which there is no friction or stimulation on the clitoris are not so exciting for girls because this erogenous zone is not being encouraged.
Although the sexual act resides in the pleasure and enjoyment of both, it is important that you know which are the positions that are most stimulating for women and that you put them into practice during penetration. Those positions that are usually more exciting are:
- The spoon or the mold : the woman is placed on her side and the man penetrates her vaginally from behind, also lying on her side, imitating the sleeping position of the spoon. This position forces a slower penetration and also allows both the boy and the girl to touch the clitoris during intercourse, which will provide great excitement.
- The delight : the woman sits on the edge of the bed and the man, kneeling on a cushion or any other surface, penetrates her. The position stimulates the clitoris and in turn allows the breasts to be stimulated with the mouth.
- The missionary : although it is surprising, the classic position of him up and her down allows that at a gentle rhythm, each time the penis comes out slightly, the clitoris is stimulated, giving great pleasure.
- The jellyfish : the girl sits on top of the man with her legs out to the side, concentrating her movements on his hips. It is another perfect position to stimulate the breasts.
- The woman above or the subject : the man is lying down and the woman is above but always leaning forward, towards her partner, with her legs at the sides and extended. In this position the friction of the clitoris is inevitable, which is why it is highly pleasant for the girls.
These are just some recommendations, however each couple should try the positions that produce the most satisfaction and alternate them.
Not finding the right rhythm during penetration
Very fast penetrations are not as exciting for girls as for boys, so it is not enough to choose a suitable position, the intensity of the sex is also important. Trying slow, gentle penetrations accompanied by caresses, kisses, and some sexual dialogue can lead to pleasure.
If your partner is one of those who penetrates with great intensity from the first moment, it is time to change the rhythm of intercourse a little so that both can enjoy.
Lack of concentration in the sexual act
Sex requires a lot of concentration! If you are one of those who is thinking in private about what you have pending to do, about the things that have not gone well during the day or what you will do as soon as the sexual encounter ends, this is the reason why you do not feel pleasure in having intercourse.
For the physical response to be properly given all your senses and your head must be on it, you must enjoy with your body and mind what happens and forget about everything that happens outside that room. The brain is a more important sex organ than you think, use it for the benefit of both.
Before you felt pleasure with your partner and no longer? This is usually due to sexual routine , a common and significant problem.
If we always have relationships in the same positions, we do the same things, we say the same things and there is no improvisation, passion or experimentation, it is normal to get bored and lose desire or concentration on the spot. It is important to vary, to try new and different things, to alternate with different sexual positions, to have intercourse in other parts of the house besides the bedroom and from time to time to indulge in escaping somewhere for a little honeymoon.
Getting out of the routine is key to enjoying better sex.
Sexual dysfunctions, less common than you think
The above causes are the most common reasons why you do not feel pleasure when having intercourse, however in a very low percentage there are female sexual dysfunctions.
If you have tried all the above tips and you still do not feel pleasure and if you do not have an orgasm or an exciting response even when you masturbate, then it is possible that you are suffering from some dysfunction such as anorgasmia or frigidity.
These types of conditions are common in:
- Women with a very restrictive sex education who consider that having relationships is bad, inappropriate or impure.
- Girls with traumatic or unpleasant sexual experiences.
- Women who have been victims of rape or sexual trauma in the past.
In these cases, the help of a specialist is essential, so you should visit a sexologist or therapist to treat the root cause of the problem and lead you to a fuller and more satisfying sexual life.
This article is merely informative, at FastlyHeal .com we do not have the power to prescribe medical treatments or make any type of diagnosis. We invite you to see a doctor in the case of presenting any type of condition or discomfort.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why I do not feel pleasure in having sex , we recommend that you enter our Sexuality category .
I am a Surgeon with a diploma in comprehensive ultrasound and surgical care residency, an area I am specializing in. During the exercise of my profession, I have realized the need for patients to know the diseases they suffer, and I can tell you that a large part of their complications is due to a lack of information. Being a health web writer allows me to transmit my experience, without borders, to all those readers eager for knowledge, educate them in the prevention of diseases and promote a healthy lifestyle.